We’ve all heard the saying: You need to love yourself before you can love someone else. But is that really the case? We talk about the crucial role of self-love, boundaries and self-respect for maintaining healthy relationships…
The Pressure to Be Everything
“Being a woman in a patriarchal society can make tending to your own needs complicated,” says life coach Mhairi Todd, founder of The Roadblock Coach. Adding, "As journalist Amy Westerwelt aptly put it, ‘We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.’"
This relentless pressure forces women to juggle multiple roles - professional, caregiver, partner, friend - while also maintaining their appearance, diet, and mental well-being. The result? Burnout, resentment and exhaustion.
“But here’s the irony,” Mhairi adds. “Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish - it’s essential. The best partners, friends, parents, and employees are those who have a full cup.”
The Relationship You Have with Yourself
Beyond the obvious benefits of self-care, we often forget that we’re in a lifelong relationship with ourselves. Imagine a friendship where your needs were ignored, promises were broken, and you were constantly neglected. That relationship wouldn’t last long, would it?
“When we treat ourselves with disregard, our confidence and self-worth suffer,” explains Mhairi. “But when we commit to showing up for ourselves - meeting our own needs, setting boundaries, and keeping promises - we build trust and self-respect.”
How Self-Love Strengthens Relationships
Loving yourself isn’t just about personal well-being; it directly impacts your relationships, too.
“Taking care of yourself requires healthy boundaries, self-discipline, and self-respect,” Mhairi notes. “I don’t want to take my disgusting-but-good-for-me gut health shot every morning, but I do it because it’s good for me. Small acts of self-care reinforce our standards, shaping how we advocate for ourselves and treat others. The better your relationship with yourself, the higher your standards will be - for both what you give and what you receive in relationships.”
Recognising Your worth
“In my work with clients - whether they’re navigating career shifts, relationships, or major life changes - one common challenge keeps surfacing: self-worth,” Mhairi reveals.
“Self-worth is the innate belief that we are deserving and capable. We’re all born with it, but life experiences - critical caregivers, unrealistic expectations, social comparison, trauma, rejection - can chip away at that foundation.
“When self-worth is low, it’s harder to trust ourselves, set boundaries, and recognise when we deserve better. Rebuilding it takes time, but the impact is profound. When you value yourself, you naturally create a life that aligns with that belief - one filled with respect, fulfilment, and healthier relationships.”
A strong relationship with yourself sets the tone for all others. You’ll recognise red flags more easily, communicate your needs more clearly, and cultivate deeper, healthier connections.
The Journey to Self-Love
Self-love isn’t always easy, but here’s something beautiful: if you want to love yourself more, it means you already do. That desire comes from a place of care and hope.
So, keep going. Take small steps. Your future self is already thanking you.
With special thanks to Edinburgh-based Mhairi Todd, founder of egg business partner The Roadblock Coach. To find out more about her company, click here. egg members receive a FREE 50 minute session with Mhairi. Not a member? Register now.
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